"If you feel the need to get paid for it, it probably isn’t your passion." ~ Hugh McLeod
I read this quote on the Lesser Photographer blog recently and it really struck a chord with me. As much as I really enjoyed all of the wonderful people that I was blessed and lucky enough to work with this past year, I have to say that I didn't enjoy my photography nearly as much. In many ways, 2015 was a bit of a disappointing year for me. It was for the personal me, it was a big transition year around here and it sent me into a little bit of a tailspin. There were some big, wonderful, super positive changes, changes that were very much the natural progression of things but anyone that knows me knows I do not do that well with change. Like I said, It was all really good change, the biggies were my daughter starting her freshman year at college and my mom moving to South Carolina. But nothing really changed for me so although I am extremely happy for them, I couldn't help but feel a teeny bit left behind. And it was for the photographer me, I started to feel as though photography was more business and less passion. I started worrying more about what others thought of the way I worked or the pictures that I took and less about following my own vision. I started keeping track of how many pics I took of whom and trying to make sure that everything was always fair and equal (which is largely impossible for a variety of different reasons). I stopped bringing my camera to personal events because I was afraid that something might happen to it which would be a problem since it represents part of my livelihood. But this is not the right way for me. I know that if I want to avoid being left behind, then I need to change this. I need to figure out a way to rediscover the essence of my creativity, what it was that made me love it so. I need to go back to being more me, less brand. Part of my struggle is because I am not sure that I am cut out to be in business. The business part just sort of happened, I love taking portraits and unless you are the Humans of New York guy, people tend to think that you are a stalker if you offer to take them for free. So the business part is a necessary evil but for my own sanity, I need to find a better balance between business and creativity. By the way, this is nothing new when it comes to creativity, I think it is a safe to say it is the age old question! I have no idea how I am going to achieve this but I do know that it is something that I need to do. And In all likelihood, it will mean some changes around here. Hmm, change that I can actually be in charge of? Maybe it will help me with my lifelong distaste for change.
All right, enough whining from me! Since it is the last day of 2015, please allow me to share some of my favorites (to avoid being overwhelmed, I just stopped at 10!) Happy New Year, I hope that it is full of joy, peace and lots of wonderful changes for us all!!